


The First

by BloodylocksBathory



Category: Land of the Dead (2005)
Genre: Awkward Romance, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-03
Updated: 2013-10-03
Packaged: 2017-12-28 07:59:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/989657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodylocksBathory/pseuds/BloodylocksBathory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Up in Canada things are looking alright for Riley and the crew of the Dead Reckoning. But he realizes something about Charlie that he should have realized a long time ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First

* 

“He likes you, you know.”

Riley looked up from his book at Slack as she stood staring at him.

“Who?”

“Charlie does.”

The self proposed leader was never surprised by the girl’s ability to point out the obvious. It was not the fact that she always pointed such fare out, but her ability to see it before everyone else could figure it out. However, she seemed this time just to be beating a dead horse, which was unlike her.

“Yeah, your point being?” Riley finally thought Slack was just being purposefully bothersome, which was what she was prone to do when she was bored. Which was lately all too often. He resumed his book, as he had not had the chance since he and his team set up camp in Canada to do. Of course Charlie liked him. They had saved each other’s lives one several occasions and Riley was the only one Charlie would ever have truly thought of as a friend.

Slack was not pleased with the response and closed the book in front of the man she considered a friend, possibly even leader. Riley stammered out an annoyed complaint at how much he had been enjoying the book (granted a few pages were missing and the beginning was scorched beyond understanding), but the girl ignored him. She plucked the book from the man’s snatching hands and sat in front of him, now blocking his view out the window of Dead Reckoning to the forests.

“I mean he… really likes you.” She paused, somehow unsure of how to break this to someone of Riley’s character. “You know… like he really digs you… in that way?” Her eyebrow lifted when she said it, and she now looked as though she needed a cigarette, especially when she saw the look in her companion’s eyes. “If you ask me what I’m talking about, I’ll smack you.”

“No, I understand what you mean…” Riley answered hesitantly. “But, excuse me for asking… how do you figure that?” He could not wrap his logic around it somehow.

Rolling her eyes, Slack now looked half amused at the way the talk was going and half irritated at how dense she was finding the man to be. “Oh, come on! I think it’s pretty obvious! Even Pillsbury’s picked up on it.”

If that stoic Samoan had figured out something strange going on with Charlie before Riley had… god damn. Riley just stared at Slack until he realized his mouth was open and he closed it like a fish on land gasping for air, leaning back in his seat. God damn.

“Don’t fuckin' slap me, but… what?”

*

Slack had left Riley with one of her usual loveable remarks (“You’re fucking hopeless”) and he sat in his seat, staring first at his tattered book, then out the window. Then back at his book. Finally he stood up and wandered outside to get some fresh air; maybe staying inside Dead Reckoning for so long had made him hear things. Maybe Slack had really said something else and he was just imagining her unnerving statement.

But then why would he imagine that??

It was not the problem of another man having affections for him. Riley had a boyfriend in college who he got over after nearly a year, then another one five years before the zombie outbreak. That one was only fucking him to rebel against his father. He had felt like the real poster child for free love then. But the relationships had hardly bothered him. He had no difficulty admitting what he was, and who he was, because it made no difference, especially when it ended up being a matter of whether or not you were dead, instead of whether or not you were a fag.

No, that did not bother him.

Why Charlie? Why him of all people?

Charlie was his friend, his best and closest friend, admittedly. They trusted one another more than anyone else. No one else treated Charlie like a friend. Of course, no one ever had the gall to ridicule the man for how slow he was, thankfully. Slack liked him enough not to hit him whenever he “accidentally” glanced at her chest. The others respected him as a marksman, better than any other. But they otherwise ignored him, only bothering to talk to him when shooting was involved.

Not Riley. When times where tough, the pair seemed inseparable, watching each other’s back. Charlie would almost panic if Riley went somewhere without him. Was it the fear of being alone that bothered the marksman more, or the fear that he was not by his only friend’s side, protecting him?

Or was it because Charlie loved him?

GOD DAMN IT, DON’T THINK THAT. He could never dare to think that. Charlie was his friend and nothing more, and he could not have thoughts about his only real friend. But the concept stuck in his brain now, barbs embedded and ideas taking root. He began to wonder if Charlie did have feelings for him, and if he in turn had feelings for the man.

Frustrated and confused, Riley kicked the steel side of Dead Reckoning and grunted in anger. Turning to go back inside the military vehicle, he saw Pretty Boy standing a few feet away, watching the display.

“You figured it out too, didn’t you?” he asked the girl tiredly.

Pretty Boy gave a half smirk. “Sort it out with him. Get it over with before you die of first-date anxiety.”

“For fuck’s sake,” the man exclaimed as he wandered down the hill.

*

An old forest based resort had become the added lodging for the team when they had finally settled in to a somewhat cozy lifestyle, if one could call it cozy. The electricity did not work for two weeks until Pretty Boy and Anchor had figured out how to fix the backup generators, and some of the cabins had been inhabited by raccoons, leaving fleas, filth, and a whole lot of raccoon shit. Within those two weeks, however, the place was as good as any other establishment to reside.

Charlie was seated on the roof of the first cabin, loading his rifle. Though no one had seen a walking corpse in the past two weeks, one could never be sure, and Charlie was often posted at the roof to make sure none came, calling for a bite to eat. He sat vigil every few hours, and otherwise was occupied with spending time with Riley.

 _God damn it_ , Riley thought.

The leader wandered over to Cabin One, waving as he approached. He hoped his actions or gestures did not seem too suspiciously forced or awkward. He did not want Charlie to suspect something was wrong.

“Somethin’ wrong, Riley?” the scarred man asked.

_God damn it!_

“Nothing,” Riley answered without hesitation. “Just thought I’d come over and see how you were.” A laundry list of expletives went through his head.

“Okay,” Charlie replied after a pause. He thought his buddy was acting a little strange. “I’m doin’ okay… how about you…?”

“I’m okay,” Riley looked out to the pond adjacent to the lodge. He was still cursing himself. But he was the one to come over and start the conversation with his friend in the first place. He could either attempt to confront Charlie about what was going on between them, or he could just leave. If Riley left, it would look too weird, and Charlie would notice it, but if he stayed and tried to start his feared conversation, things may get even worse. Riley went through several scenarios in his head to how the conversation might play out, and all the visions ended badly. This was such a bad idea… but would he be satisfied with never knowing the truth?

“You sure you’re okay?”

“What?” Riley realized a few minutes of total silence had passed between them, and Charlie must have become concerned. “No… I mean, no, I’m okay… umm… Charlie, I need to talk with you about something. You want to get down from there?”

“Okay.” The man slid down the sloped roof and landed in front of his friend. “What about?”

“We’ll go inside,” Riley placed an arm on Charlie’s shoulders, hopefully not too vehemently. “This is kind of important.”

The scarred man looked at his shoulder, obviously concerned. “Did somethin’ happen, Riley?”

“No, we just need to talk. Here we go…” and he opened the door and led his friend in, closing the door behind him. He locked the door, saying, “I don’t want anyone interrupting this either.” Riley figured he probably looked as though he was going to threaten Charlie. Or worse… god, already he knew this was going badly.

“Riley, what’s goin’ on?” his companion asked, looking insecure as he saw the door being locked. Riley put a hand to his face in agitation and finally shook his initial tension off.

“Sorry, I just want to talk, that’s all…” what, are you going to beat him up now or something? Act like a date rapist? Damn it… “Please, sit down. Relax.”

“Okay,” even in his suspicion, Charlie trusted Riley. This was his buddy, someone who had saved him several times, and someone he had saved… why would he ever hurt him intentionally?

“I was… talking with Slack earlier…” Riley said as they sat down on the now cleaner furniture. “And she brought something interesting up.” He watched Charlie for any sort of reaction, though he was terrified to see what said reaction would be.

“She said that she… and the others noticed something… about you. You and me, I mean.”

Charlie suddenly looked as though he would hyperventilate at any given moment.

“Riley, I’m really sorry,” he exclaimed, interrupting his friend. “Whatever I said… I didn’t mean it, I swear!”

Riley gave a silent sigh as he looked away. _Scenario three…_

“Charlie, calm down”—

His friend stood, looking currently like a lost child. Charlie often looked like that whenever he was actually scared, or worried for Riley. Perhaps now he was both. His mouth trembled as though he had something to say, but was too nervous to say it.

“Don’t take it wrong,” he said, voice trembling, much like his mouth. He looked at the floor, looking incredibly ashamed. “I’m sorry. I’m just stupid… I’m stupid like everyone says…” he suddenly made a break for the door. “I’m a stupid fuck…”

“Charlie! Charlie, stop!” Riley shot up from his seat as his companion fumbled with the lock, mumbling the word “stupid” the whole time. Impulsively, he grabbed his friend by the shoulders and turned him so that they could face on another.

“I’m just a retard like everyone says…” Charlie mumbled, refusing to look at anything but the floor.

“No, no…” Riley softly corrected. “No you’re not. There’s no reason to be embarrassed.” Still the man, his scarred face flushed red, resisted looking at him. “No need… okay?” He had to fix this somehow. Charlie looked absolutely humiliated. _Just look at him, you can tell he’s humiliated,_ Riley considered.

“Listen,” he finally said, putting a hand over Charlie’s head reassuringly and ruffling the hair. “You’re still my buddy, right?” Charlie slowly looked up at him, still appearing ashamed. “Right?” Riley’s face was serious, but soft, welcoming.

Charlie nodded.

“I’m still your buddy too?”

Another nod, though it was hesitant.

“Good,” the leader said. “It’s okay, Charlie.” He looked in his friend’s eyes – or eye, rather. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t say anything wrong. It’s okay.”

“I guess…” Charlie once again looked down. He seemed a little more relieved now. Perhaps the man had been going through a hundred scenarios as well, just as Riley had. He had been fearing the worst like his friend and leader. Thankfully it had not ended in complete disaster for either of them.

“You alright?” Riley asked, his hand finally resting on the scarred man’s shoulder. Charlie nodded again, but he still looked troubled. Riley had a feeling he never should have brought up the subject.

“You can go back to your post now, Charlie,” he finally said, feeling a little defeated. Charlie nodded and managed to undo the lock, stepping outside and closing the door behind him.

Riley felt like banging his head against the door. He almost did, but he knew Charlie would hear him. God, this had not gone well, even though it went better than he thought. He never wanted Charlie to feel insecure with him like this, and he never wanted to embarrass him so terribly. But he could not set things right now. He would have to wait until both of them could calm down.

*

Sleep had never been so eager to avoid Riley. He lay in the bed of one of the resort cabins, staring at the ceiling. The book he had been reading no longer interested him, and he could hardly think straight after his fiasco with Charlie. He wondered if his friend was feeling the same way right now.

Then something occurred to him. What if Charlie had not been embarrassed about being found out? What if he wasn’t really gay at all? Oh lord, Riley _had_ made this worse. A split second after the realization, he shot up from bed and got dressed, heading for his friend’s cabin.

Strangely, the cabin was unlocked. At first Riley’s negative mindset kicked in, figuring that Charlie was so overcome by their confrontation that he would not care if – of all things – a stench just so happened to wander by, figure out the door handle, and shuffle in for a bite. But then Riley realized… Charlie almost always left his cabin door unlocked, in case the leader needed to wake him. Even if any zombie came into the lodge, Charlie would wake up and decimate the bastard before it got near him. Riley only hoped he would not be mistaken for the enemy if he entered.

Slowly, he pushed the door open, hands as gentle with the handle as they would be holding a baby bird. He hardly dared to breathe as he stepped into the cabin; his eyesight had not adjusted enough to the darkness yet, and Charlie had been allowed all the time he needed to see any target in the blackened room. Tip-toeing through the cabin interior, Riley carefully entered the bedroom where his friend slept.

Charlie appeared to be asleep in Riley’s adjusting vision. Lying prostrate on the bed, his chest rose and fell slowly, a gun lying at his side in case he needed to protect himself. Riley had a feeling if he made any sort of noise that the revolver would instantly be in the scarred man’s fingers. So, with the most careful movements he could muster, he sat down in a chair next to the bed.

How unfair this had become. If Charlie did indeed have feelings for Riley, he hardly had the courage to show it. Was Charlie really gay and had been disappointed in the past? Riley sympathized with that; he had been betrayed in the past as well, when he thought he could trust friends but was scorned and rejected. Either way, he was not certain that a relationship were possible at a time like this. Having a relationship now might make things harder.

Could it make things somehow easier?

“Shit,” he accidentally whispered to himself.

Charlie’s breathing changed as he awoke and he spoke before opening his eyes.

“Riley…?”

Riley hesitated, but finally spoke. “Yeah, Charlie, it’s me.”

The scarred man moved to sit up, but a hand held him back. “Is somethin’ goin’ on, Riley?”

“No… no, it’s all fine. Go back to sleep.”

Really, he wanted to talk with Charlie… but their last conversation had not been a successful one, and the leader was doubtful. However, he figured his friend would not go back to sleep as ordered. He was right.

“What’s goin’ on?” Charlie refused to stay down and he sat back up. He was wearing a t-shirt and underwear but not much else underneath the heavy blankets. _Wonderful,_ Riley thought, _make this even more awkward…_

“Charlie…” the leader began uncomfortably. “I want to apologize for how things went… earlier today.”

The scarred man slowly nodded and looked away, looking discomfited. “It’s okay… it was my fault anyway…”

“How??”

“I shouldn’t have told Slack nothin’,” Charlie explained, still avoiding Riley’s gaze. “I told her not to tell you that I… that I said those things… don’t mind me, I’m just bein’ stupid again, that’s all…”

“Charlie, look at me,” Riley took his friend’s face in both hands and forced his gaze toward him. “You’re not being stupid. Tell me the truth: what did you say to Slack?”

Charlie shuddered under Riley’s touch, nervous and uncertain of himself. “I… I told her… oh god… do I have to say it? Everyone else knows about it…”

“I won’t think of you any differently. Now please: tell me. I need to know.”

The man under Riley’s touch trembled again and the leader stroked his friend’s unscarred cheek with his thumb. Charlie almost seemed to loosen under the gesture.

“I like you Riley. I mean… like… I like you a lot.”

Riley smiled, relieved, and his hand calmly stroked the smooth, unmarked cheek. Charlie’s lip trembled in response.

“Thanks, Charlie,” the leader said, still grinning gently. “I like you a lot too.”

“… I didn’t… I didn’t think you liked guys… in that way…”

“Sometimes . And I like you,” his other hand stroked the scars on Charlie’s right cheek. The older man twitched in reaction, but he softened again, and Riley could have sworn his companion was slightly leaning into the touch.

Riley could not believe he had not seen it before in this gentle man, this friend and ally of his for years… what a sweet thing Charlie was, and though he was grateful for fighting beside him against monsters both living and dead, he had never thought to thank the man for being so kind. Charlie never gave up in protecting his leader, to be good to him. How could Riley never have sensed it before now? Touching the scars of his companion, he noticed how the fire-ravaged face looked tired, as though he had not slept for days. Some sort of sigh escaped the trembling lips as the mismatched eyes closed, and the pressure of Charlie’s cheek against his leader’s hand became more obvious.

Charlie looked so exhausted and overwhelmed. If only Riley could do something to console him, to remove his mind from whatever ill thoughts may be plaguing him. Slowly, Riley leant over and his lips met his friend’s burn scarred cheek. The lips lingered there, as the leader inhaled the scent and savored the moment his mouth had landed upon the damaged skin.

He became aware that Charlie’s expression had changed under his touch, and heard a soft sob. A tear hit Riley’s lips and the hand which remained on Charlie’s face slowly caressed the unscathed flesh.

“Charlie?” the man asked, pulling away. “Buddy, are you okay?”

Charlie tried desperately to stifle his sobbing and wiped his nose with the back of his hand, breaking from his leader’s touch.

“Sorry…” he wept openly. “Just… relieved, I guess… I’m just relieved…”

Lips met with Charlie’s face, this time against his forehead. He leant into his leader and friend’s touch again, and felt how differently the kiss was between burnt and unaltered skin. Though he was desperate to resist, he could not help but cry. This all seemed unreal to him, that he would actually be accepted as he was. Granted Riley had accepted him despite everything else… those familiar fingers ruffled through his hair again.

“I should apologize too. Didn’t mean to overwhelm you like that. And also… I’m sorry…” he hesitated, but he finally took a breath and said it. “I didn’t want you to be in love with me at first.”

He knew it was too good to be true. Charlie lowered his gaze, blushing. “I understand…”

“No, no, Charlie,” his friend suddenly said. “It’s not you. It’s me.”

“Whatta ya mean?”

“You know I’ve always liked being alone,” Riley once more tensed in his seat as he clarified, avoiding the other man’s eyes. “I figured it was just easier in the end… instead of seeing something bad… and feeling worse than survival standards around here permitted.”

Riley suddenly stopped. He felt like he was running in circles somehow. Charlie already knew how much he enjoyed solitude, and about how careful he was to trust anyone. He sounded currently like he was trying to convince someone of an outright lie.

“I was afraid something might happen to one of us... I knew how awful you’d feel. Hell, the one person you would call a friend, and then he’s gone. And I knew… I could never handle it…”

Riley did not know whether Charlie looked more concerned or touched at the words. His hand resumed it spot on the unscarred cheek and his face became serious, though gentle.

“I was so afraid to end up making you unhappy.”

Charlie tried to smile, to let his friend know he was truly moved.

“You… you don’t make me unhappy, Riley…”

Riley smiled and took his friend’s face in both hands, looking down momentarily. It was hard to see the tears which were still left drying on the mismatched cheeks.

“Thank you. You don’t make me unhappy either.”

And then he kissed Charlie. First another on the forehead, where rippled, burnt flesh met smooth skin, then his lips broke away and met those of the other man. He could feel Charlie trembling against him, almost pulling away, but Riley stroked his face and he calmed under the touch. The disfigured man was inexperienced, but he was increasingly enthusiastic. When his lips parted, Riley decided to do some exploring and his tongue dived into the welcome opening. He heard his friend give a startled yet longing moan. The sound was like a caged animal who was finally breathing clean air and moving its muscles for the first time in years.

Charlie broke away, his breath ragged. Already he was overwhelmed. Blushing furiously, he suddenly covered his scars with a shaky hand. Riley gently pried the hand off and placed his lips on the warped flesh. His lips were very soft.

Sighing, Charlie once again dared to press into those soft kisses, his eyes closed fully in surrender to the warm sensation growing steadily hotter within him.

“No one… I didn’t think no one would ever kiss me on the… on the mouth like that…”

Riley smiled, amused and touched. “Now someone is.” And his mouth proceeded to travel down his companion’s neck, resting on the collarbone and letting his tongue glide out for another taste. The leader’s hand also went down, lower, over the other man’s stomach, and then reaching underwear.

Suddenly Charlie gasped and his entire body became rigid.

“Riley…? Can we stop?”

“What’s wrong?”

“I… I want to…” he stammered as he shrugged, nervous and embarrassed. “But… I’m… I don’t think… I’m not…”

He felt hands on the back of his head and he watched as Riley thankfully smiled.

“I didn’t expect you to. Not yet. We’ll save that for another time. When we’re both ready,” he looked down, smirking to himself. He almost looked shy to Charlie.

“To tell you the truth I’m a little nervous myself anyway. It’s gonna take me a while to see you as a friend and lover at the same time. All the others I tried to fall in love with were never both. And I’d like to see you as both… without the fear of hurting you.”

Charlie shrugged, relieved. “Oh, you won’t hurt me, Riley. You’d never do that. I know you’d never do that.”

His compatriot and leader gave the smallest hint of a chuckle and he stood, walking around to the other side of the bed. Softly he eased under the covers and motioned Charlie to come near him. Charlie of course did not hesitate, but as he leant against the other man, he was ever so careful, as though not wanted to put his full weight against him. Riley grinned and pulled his friend against him, sinking into the cushioned mattress and layers of blankets. Their bodies lay parallel to one another as the disfigured man snuggled close against the strong, warm figure of the man who he truly believed loved him. He believed it with all his heart.

Riley was admittedly stiff at first when his friend cuddled against him, but he finally wrapped his arms around him, welcoming the warmth and affection. He was relieved that this had turned out so well in the end. Life was hell anymore, and the best an individual could do in times like these was look out for number one… but somehow that did not seem to make sense. Ever since he met Charlie, Riley’s life had grown a tiny bit brighter.

“What do we… what do we do?” Charlie asked carefully. “What does this change between you an’ me?”

“Nothing,” the other man answered without hesitation. “If you want. Or we can still be friends, and still look out for one another… and on the suitable occasion, we can also do… more stimulating things. And be both friends and lovers. Things can be the same… except now we have sex.”

“Oh, I like the sound of that,” the scarred man said, giving a bashful smile.

“That’s why I love you, Charlie,” Riley said, stroking the scarred visage. “You still find a bit of good in everything, no matter how small.”

“…I love you too Riley…” He hesitantly looked up at his leader and friend, head resting on the strong shoulder. “I think back when you pulled me out of that fire… back when you sat up with me all night an’ helped me get to sleep, with me bein’ hurt and scared… I think I loved you even way back then. I knew just from lookin’ at you… I didn’t want anything to happen to you…”

Riley continued to caress the burn-scarred visage until his friend was nearly asleep. “It’s funny. In my whole life I think you’re the first one. The first one that I knew I could trust. That’s a great thing to know about someone.”

He kissed the motionless face below him and watched serenely as Charlie’s mouth twitched into a faint hint of a smile. Feeling the other man’s body snuggle closer was very comforting. They had watched each other’s backs practically ever since the invasion first occurred, and nothing seemed to ever separate them for long. Gently, Riley moved their forms deeper underneath the blankets and wrapped his arms fully around his best friend and lover. Suddenly he did not have such trouble in finding sleep, and he nuzzled Charlie’s face before closing his own eyes.

“Sleep well, buddy.”


End file.
